These aren't original but they made me laugh - hope they tickle you too....
Some classic statements we say to our kids - here brought up to date:-
Then: "Don't speak to me like that"
Now: "I don't appreciate the tone of that email" or "YR TXT LAX RESPCT"
Then: "If the wind changes, your face will stay like that"
Now: "When climate change becomes irreversible, the hospital will be underwater and unable to correct your deformed features"
Then: "Wait 'til your father comes home"
Now: "Wait 'til your mother finishes telecommuting in the back bedroom"
And why do we say things like this:
"If you break your leg, don't come running to me"
"Don't look now, but you see that....."
"Is anyone sitting here?" (oh I have asked that soooo many times)
"Are you reading that paper you're sitting on?"
and my personal favourite ...
"I could murder a chocolate cake" (what's the penalty for that - 5 years hard dieting?)