These aren't original but they made me laugh - hope they tickle you too....

Some classic statements we say to our kids - here brought up to date:-

Then: "Don't speak to me like that"
Now: "I don't appreciate the tone of that email" or "YR TXT LAX RESPCT"

Then: "If the wind changes, your face will stay like that"
Now: "When climate change becomes irreversible, the hospital will be underwater and unable to correct your deformed features"


Then: "Wait 'til your father comes home"
Now: "Wait 'til your mother finishes telecommuting in the back bedroom"



And why do we say things like this:

"If you break your leg, don't come running to me"

"Don't look now, but you see that....."

"Is anyone sitting here?" (oh I have asked that soooo many times)

"Are you reading that paper you're sitting on?"


and my personal favourite ...


"I could murder a chocolate cake" (what's the penalty for that - 5 years hard dieting?)

Well to start off I have to report the risotto was lovely - will definitely order that one again!!

It's bank holiday weekend - and the world should be my oyster...

Instead - it is pouring with rain and I have a list as long as my arm (I do have quite short arms) of jobs to be done. Ranging from the boring 'clear the ironing backlog' to slightly more exciting 're-arrange the spare room' - I can hardly wait!

What would I like to do instead? I need to ponder over that one, as frankly I don't know.

Just asked hubby and he said I want to go on a small boat down the river - odd that - don't recall that one on my wish list.

In an effort to encourage independence I have persuaded Jack to cook our evening meal tonight. He's 17 and off into the bright wide world next year (fingers crossed).

It is supposed (I mean going) to be prawn risotto. He has made Spaghetti Bolognese before (the made up/chuck everything into a pan version that is) - but this is his first time at following a proper recipe. You'd think that was easier but he does seem to have some problems following instructions (as if I didn't know this already!)

So who knows what it will turn out to be. It is a microwave recipe and as I write this I can hear some dinging which means something is going on. Whatever it turns out like I know number two son won't like it. He is turning into something of a faddy eater. I thought these things were supposed to get better as they get older but not in our house hold.

I can now getting cooking aromas - another positive sign (I think)

We have had a bit of a debate in the house about the current trend towards obesity - 1 in 3 being obese in the next 10 years. Spurred us on to go on a bike ride in the rain. Perhaps this meal will help too - OOOHHH that is mean mum talking.

I'll let you know how it tasted tomorrow - provided we are still standing.....

A series of unfortunate events

Water is not my natural habitat so it was with some alarm I found that we had booked up to go white water rafting. Not one to be the party pooper of course, next thing I know we are heading off on our way - dressed in a rather fetching wet, wet suit (previous occupant had v v bad BO but that proved useful later). First there was a bus ride and then a muddy descent down to the river side to board our rafts. I was feeling extremely nervous and when the guide started to explain safety instructions I listened very intently. He told us what to do in the event of disaster (i.e. boat tips over) This was my idea of hell so before I could possible go on I had to ask whether this was likely to happen. He looked me straight in the eyes and said no, never.

So off we go. Thrills and spills galore. Unfortunately the spills were none too thrilling. Halfway down the river the guide lands us on a rock and before we know what is going on we have tipped over. I was stuck under the boat. All I could think of was "no this is not going to be the way I die!!"

There followed about 15 minutes of trauma - first being pulled from under the boat by hubby (my hero)and then getting swept down river together for about 100m, before managing to get lodged on to a crevice on a rock. Fine except this was on the wrong side of the river to get out and if I moved in any way I risked setting off again. Fortunately for me, hubby was still with me so we clung on together - like a scene from cliffhanger - except this was water and not heights and my Gabe didn't let me go!!!

By this time I had found Tom was safe on the bank, Jack was on another boat.

Two of the guides jumped in and came across to our side and said they would help us swim across the current to the right side. This was easier said than done and alot of river was drunk before I managed to grab the safety line that another boat had thrown in.

Once on the side of the river they wanted me to get back into the boat to continue the adventure! Needless to say I was not too keen - my whole body was in a complete state of collapse. So I crawled up the side of the river bank and lay by the road until they came to take us home. BO wet suit acted as smelling salts to keep me from passing out! I knew it would be useful.

When we finally got picked up it was the same guide who had earlier assured me all would be ok. He was a bit sheepish - but very cute so I forgave him.

If any-one I know ever hears me suggest I do this again they have my permission to shoot me first!!

For photo's of the experience see Mid-life crisis blog but imagine everything upside down!

p.s. we're having a great holiday - trying to reduce the european wine lake.